Our Real Life, part 1

I started writing this blog with the intent that I would share what our life is really like.  In reality, I've shied away from the difficult parts of our life.

If you were to meet me in person, I'd be frank and honest with you and share the challenges of my life as a parent. But, somehow, that ease of conversation is lost when typing alone in my room.  The other reason I've been hesitant about sharing our challenges is because a lot of them focus on one child, Sparky, and I don't want to portray her as the cause of all the strife in my family, because she isn't.

Its going to take more than one post but, here goes.

I knew Sparky was an "intense" child from about 8 months old.  She would NOT go to sleep.  Everything took more.  She not only took more time to fall asleep.  She was more of everything-, more demanding of my and Tall One's time, more opinionated, more playful, just MORE.

At age 3 she would be awake between 12 and 15 times night, standing at my bed asking to get in bed. Tall One and I came up with our mantra, "You can sleep on the floor (beside us) or sleep in your bed" and said it over and over and over.  That girl has endurance like you've never seen.  We did have her adenoids out and that made a dramatic difference, but I'd say in the almost 10 years of her life she has slept through the night less than 50 times.  Ranger was born about this time and people would ask how the baby was sleeping and my response was, "The baby is a piece of cake compared to Sparky."  She once had a temper tantrum for an hour, fell asleep for another hour, woke up and continued the tantrum for another hour.  That is intense. 

We started seeking counseling and more information and strategies on how to focus Sparky's intensity in a positive way. I read every book on spirited children, positive discipline, and general parenting that I could get my hands on.  We were supremely blessed to have Sparky enrolled in the Demonstration Preschool at Project Enlightenment and to have all of the support and education they offer. 

I remember this year as a blur of tantrums (from Sparky as well as Tall One and I), crying, frustration, and fear. I knew Sparky was outside the norm for preschool behavior, but it was difficult to understand and come to terms with how this would change our life.  I thought we'd try a new doctor, medicine, strategy, or chart and it would work and we'd have that problem solved.  It doesn't work that way.  After hundreds of attempts you have to suck it up and try a hundred more times. .  When I think back I am filled with those same feelings of inadequacy, angst, anger at the unfairness, worry for our other children, and utter exhaustion.