Our Real Life, part 1

I started writing this blog with the intent that I would share what our life is really like.  In reality, I've shied away from the difficult parts of our life.

If you were to meet me in person, I'd be frank and honest with you and share the challenges of my life as a parent. But, somehow, that ease of conversation is lost when typing alone in my room.  The other reason I've been hesitant about sharing our challenges is because a lot of them focus on one child, Sparky, and I don't want to portray her as the cause of all the strife in my family, because she isn't.

Its going to take more than one post but, here goes.

I knew Sparky was an "intense" child from about 8 months old.  She would NOT go to sleep.  Everything took more.  She not only took more time to fall asleep.  She was more of everything-, more demanding of my and Tall One's time, more opinionated, more playful, just MORE.

At age 3 she would be awake between 12 and 15 times night, standing at my bed asking to get in bed. Tall One and I came up with our mantra, "You can sleep on the floor (beside us) or sleep in your bed" and said it over and over and over.  That girl has endurance like you've never seen.  We did have her adenoids out and that made a dramatic difference, but I'd say in the almost 10 years of her life she has slept through the night less than 50 times.  Ranger was born about this time and people would ask how the baby was sleeping and my response was, "The baby is a piece of cake compared to Sparky."  She once had a temper tantrum for an hour, fell asleep for another hour, woke up and continued the tantrum for another hour.  That is intense. 

We started seeking counseling and more information and strategies on how to focus Sparky's intensity in a positive way. I read every book on spirited children, positive discipline, and general parenting that I could get my hands on.  We were supremely blessed to have Sparky enrolled in the Demonstration Preschool at Project Enlightenment and to have all of the support and education they offer. 

I remember this year as a blur of tantrums (from Sparky as well as Tall One and I), crying, frustration, and fear. I knew Sparky was outside the norm for preschool behavior, but it was difficult to understand and come to terms with how this would change our life.  I thought we'd try a new doctor, medicine, strategy, or chart and it would work and we'd have that problem solved.  It doesn't work that way.  After hundreds of attempts you have to suck it up and try a hundred more times. .  When I think back I am filled with those same feelings of inadequacy, angst, anger at the unfairness, worry for our other children, and utter exhaustion. 

My House is a Sieve

My house is a giant sieve- and the holes are getting bigger. 

I've never been much of a keeper.  I am not very nostalgic about stuff, but I do have the "I might need it gene." I'm a regular at the local thrift store bringing bags of donations every few months.  My house is a giant sieve and as things flow into it some things also flow out of it.

I married a keeper.  Tall One is sentimental about objects and the people who give him things.  That quality is one of the things I love most about him- and one that drives me batty. We are constantly in conflict over what to keep and not keep.  Over the 17 years we've been together I've become less and less of a keeper.  The holes in the sieve are getting larger and larger.



I think it is because we now have four more people and all of their stuff.  So much of my life is about  cleaning, shuffling, organizing, putting away, and finding STUFF. 

I'm over it. 

I get rid of more and more stuff every week.  These last few weeks the holes have gotten huge.  I've been working to sort clothes for Sparky, Ranger and Pixie.  I have literally been drowning in clothes.  I am having nightmares of being buried in millions of little pants, shirts, and dresses.

That, in combination with an upcoming kitchen renovation, have driven me to get rid of everything I can.  I struggle every day to maintain order in our house.  I figure it is easier to give it (anything) away rather than clean it or find a place to put it.  Tall One told me he's afraid that if he sits still too long I'll bag him up and put him in the back of the car bound for the thrift store. 

I don't always have control of what comes into our house.  With four children's birthdays and Christmas within a few months of each other, we are heading into the major STUFF season of our house.  I can encourage grandparents to give experiences and time all I want, but they really enjoy giving that special gift that makes the girls' faces light up.  But then we have to figure out how to fit all those new things into our house and life.  My mom jokes that if a toy survives in my house for six months it must be a good one.  Between my constant purging of unused toys and my girls playing rough- a toy that lasts more than a few months is a definite winner. 

So- as the girls all head back to school this week, I'm in super purge mode.  I am cleaning out! Wish me luck.